ok soooo since i watch so many fucking movies, I have desided that I'm going to start blogging them so that for one i will have a memory of what i watched and for two someone might stumble upon this and find what a treasure of old crappy movies no one has ever seen to watch!
I often use 1channel.ch to find movies... its illegal probably but wow it has a huge database! so right now i am watching the mildly entertaining  The Art of War with Mr. crossdressing Snipes.... WHAT the bad ass, vampire killer, action star can be seen in drag? Yep... sad to say a whole movie of it in To Wong Fu.
Well back to what I'm currently watching... it's shit... I'll give it a few more minutes, but im gonna keep looking.

a shadow passing on

I believe i am at the end
again i feel the sorrow that i remember from my dark days
it creeps back into my alone life
the life that has no permanent members
i am alone
no one holds fast or true or dear
all that they can do is feel my hand slowly slide out of their own
slip slide away until only the fingertips lose contact
that final electric feel
i am further and further away like the sinking stone
it is better this way
this is what i planned
no pain for those i truly love little as possible only a lite twinge by the time im gone
i pray that the wont remember a thing
but alas my success has left me in the final moments of my life bitterly alone
like an old man hating all because he has nothing left
i feel that i have finally have no more ties that finally i am dead to the world
and Ive chosen to be
now god please allow me to wander off into the desert and die
die the quiet death that i have been longing for all these years
from that first moment that i wished i could die
in the shower
crying where the tears would blend with the waters flowing all over me
so it is, the end of the story
no glory
no hero coming back to save you
to make your dreams come true
no love
only a small service
only a few tears will count
only a few memories shinning through
thank you god
thank you for making me pay for my sins in this life
i pray that a little red sliver of me will stay in the hearts of all of those that truely loved me.
goodbye my sorrow of a life
I cant hear, but i hear you calling, I'll come back for you.

An Introduction One Post Too Late

oh so that was my first post up there, random, probably uninteresting and what not, but hey this is my blog right? I guess this is just a place for me to talk to myself and feel like i am talking to invisible millions. I have gotten to a point in my life where i dont think anyone really cares, considering my mother is the only person that talks to me on facebook. This is a good and bad place to be... on one hand i have totally stopped caring about what people think, on the other hand it seems that people have stopped caring about me. I find myself not looking to try anymore. When you have a job and life as aggravating, pointless, and flat out stupid as i do you have the right to get on the internet and wine like an emo kid, but hey at least im doing it on here and not in person to anyone. That might lead to them going into fits of epileptic rage, putting their thumbs in their eye balls in a violent manner, or peeing themselves all in an attempt to get away from such a horrible conversation. SOOOOOOOOOOO to all my adoring fans (meaning the other profile i am going to make so i will have at least one subscriber) thanks for reading and not saying how much of a weener i am and TOTALLY understanding.

So last night i had a dream and all i remember from it was that i took a gun and shot both of my arms at about the elbow. i remember seeing the holes and scars and i couldnt really use them well after that. so i looked up online what it could have meant.
'To dream that both arms have been removed or cut off in your dream indicates imprisonment. Are you in a situation that you need to get our of? The other meaning of this dream is possible sickness.'
all i could find were things about losing youre arms but i figure shooting them is the modern version of being cut off...
here arms some other things i found
+Dreaming that you can't use your arms or that you have no arms might mean you're feeling helpless or ineffective somehow in your life.
+If you dream your arm or arms have been injured and unusable then this is brought on by a feeling of loss connected with the ability to care for yourself, (if you are an older person), or a feeling of helplessness in reaching out to others, ( in a sense that your arm is bound ), and a restriction of your activities. Your right arm is associated with your outgoing nature, and the left arm represents your supportive, or nurturing nature.
+Loss of power to do or to support action. Inability to reach out or create.
+To dream of seeing an arm amputated, means separation or divorce. Mutual dissatisfaction will occur between husband and wife. It is a dream of sinister import.
...none of these things are good, maybe i should just not think so much huh?